Training
by AnnaAza
Summary: Jasper tries to train the Cullens and the werewolves to fight the newborns! How will he teach them?


**AN: Ok, I wrote this for my friend a couple months ago-she LOVES Jasper. So anyway, we thought it was funny, so I wanted to share it with you guys. **

**DISCLAIMER:**

**Jasper: AnnaAza doesn't own "Twilight" or "Mulan."  
**

**ECLIPSE**

**  
****(Jasper is training the werewolves and vampires to fight against Victoria's newborn vampire army)**

Jasper (frustrated and yelling): No, no, no, no!  
(Everyone stops practicing)  
Emmett: Geesh, Jasper. We're trying, but we don't get it!  
Embry: Yeah, you're not a good teacher.  
Alice: You DARE insult my Jazzy??!!!  
Embry (cowers in fear): Gah!...Never mind.  
Jasper: You people-  
Jacob: Werewolves.  
Rosalie: Vampires.  
Jasper: Whatever! You _mythical creatures-  
_Carlisle: Son, we exist-we're not _mythical. _  
Jasper: Ugh! You guys-  
Alice, Rosalie, Leah, and Esme: GIRLS!  
Jasper: You GUYS and GIRLS are pathetic! (demonstrates a fighting move) Try this!  
(Everyone fails)  
Rosalie: Oh! I just broke a nail!  
Emmett: Pain!!!  
Edward: Gah!  
Alice: Oops!  
Carlisle: Can vampires get cramps?  
Jacob: Ugh!!!  
Sam: This is not working.  
Paul: Okay, so we turn like this-  
Leah: Why do we even bother?  
Bella: Why can't I join in the fight?  
Edward: Love, you'll get killed.  
Alice: Yup. And I don't need my skills to figure THAT out.  
Jasper: SHUT UP!!!!!  
Emmett: Ouch.  
Jasper: Okay...you guys need some motivation or something. I'm not getting to you guys...  
Girls: GIRLS!!!!!!  
Jasper: (snaps his fingers) Got it! This is what I did to train the newborns I used to work with...though I might need to mix it up a bit.  
Quil: Wait, what?  
Edward: Jasper used to sing this song for his army...  
Bella: What song?  
(Drum beats, and music plays)  
(Everyone looks around, confused)  
Emmett: Uh...where's that coming from?

Quil: Hey I know this song! I listen to it all the time!  
(Everyone stares at him, weirded out)  
Quil: With Claire...cause I'm too old for Disney...yup.  
Embry: Dude, you watch "High School Musical" when no one's around.  
Quil: I do not!  
Seth: You do.  
Quil: Traitor!  
Jasper (emerges in his US Confederate Army suit and sings loudly): _Let's get down to business! To defeat..._(chops his arms in a formation and kicks) _the newborns!_

Leah: He's lost it.  
Seth: Never had it.  
Jasper: _Did they send me puppies-  
_Embry: I find this offensive.  
Jasper: _...when I asked...for wolves! You're the __**saddest bunch**__ I've ever met, and we can bet before we're through-  
_Esme: Dear, you can stop insulting us now.  
Jasper: _Guys-  
_Girls: And GIRLS!  
Jasper: _I'll make an army...out of you!  
_(Wolves phase and vampires get ready! They start dueling Jasper. Jasper dodges attacks, and sends them flying. He does more techniques as he sings.)  
Jasper: _Tranquil as a forest...but on fire within! Once you find your center, and you are sure...to win! You're a spineless pale-_

Emmett: Well, duh-we're vampires!

Jasper:_ ...pathetic lot and you haven't got a clue! Guys _(sings this really fast) _and girls _(normal) _I'll make an army...out of you!!!  
_(Everyone is tired, breathing heavily, panting, and slowing down. Bella is smacked in the head by "accident" by Rosalie)  
Rosalie: Whoops...  
Alice: She'll have a headache in the morning.  
Jasper: Come on! Punch! Kick! Dodge! (Edward dodges him) Run! Evade! Left! Right! (fights off Sam) Better! Keep moving! (dodges attacks)  
Alice and Rosalie: _I'm never gonna catch my breath!  
_Bella: _Say goodbye to those who knew me!  
_Quil and Carlisle: _Boy I was a fool for cutting gym!_

Sam and Esme: _This guy's got 'em scared to death!_

Emmett and Embry: _Hope he kills us now!  
_ Edward: _Even at this rate, we'll... still lose!_

Everyone: _Be an army!_  
Jasper: _You must be swift as a coursing river!  
_Everyone: _Be an army!_  
Jasper: _With all the force of a great typhoon!  
_Everyone: _Be an army!_  
Jasper: _With all the strength of a raging fire...mysterious as the dark side of...the moon!_

Bella: Oooh! Eclipse! Get it??  
(Crickets chirp)  
Jasper: _Time is racing toward us-  
_ Emmett: Is this a metaphor or something?  
Edward: _Personification!_ Gees, even with _over a hundred years of school,_ you STILL can't get it!

Jasper: 'Till the newborns...arrive! Vampire stands with werewolf and we WILL survive! We're prepared to face the rage of battle and we know just WHAT to do...I knew I would make an army...out of you!!!  
Everyone: Be an army! (Rosalie manages to knock down Jasper) We must be swift as the coursing river! (Sam, Jared, and Jacob charge at Jasper) Be an army! (Edward and Carlisle evade Jasper) With all the force of a great typhoon! (Alice, Paul, Emmett, and Quil attack Jasper) Be an army! (Embry, Seth, and Leah knock Jasper into the trees) With all the strength of a raging fire (Cullens and werewolves attack Jasper and defend themselves)...mysterious as the dark side of the mooooon!!!!! (Jasper is on the ground, surprised)

(Everyone cheers)

The End!


End file.
